Why do I do this to myself???!!!

I am so done with this!! I am through making an absolute fool out of myself over this man. You know the one I’m talking about – a certain adorably cute property manager. He just keeps, I don’t know, going back and forth. What is so dispicable to me is knowing that I am one of those women from that book, “He’s just not that into you!” that just won’t take a hint.

This is just so unfair I could cry! This guy is just so perfect for me! And he’s got real relationship potential! But…he’s just not that into me. AAAAARRRRRGH!!!!

Let me tell you what happened today…

I finished my latest song (which is, by far, the coolest, best song I’ve ever done) called, “Make Me”. It’s really suggestive though, but I honestly did want his opinion. So, I left him a copy with a note in the after-hours mail slot of the office. All day, I was just DYING to know if he listened to it. I figured, whatever his reaction will tell me everything I need to know at this point. If he’s interested in me, he’ll have listened to it by the time I get home, and will seek me out to talk about it. If not, well… Ok, so I get home after getting groceries tonight, and I have to park kinda close to the office. He came out and was talking to someone. I meandered and took my time getting the bags out of the car la tee da…When he was done talking, he went right back inside!

So, I’m thinking, “Ok, well, I guess that’s that.”  So, I was a little hurt but tried to put it into prospective. A few minutes later, while I was outside, I saw him walking by and remembered that I needed to ask why they took away my ever-important Diet Pepsi selection in the coke machine (which, he’d joked about doing cuz he knows how addicted I am). This was a legitament concern for me people! I wasn’t even going to ask about the song at this point. But I called out to him – he looked, but kept right on going. So, I called again and started walking toward him. He just threw up his arm and yelled, “Gotta go”. OH. NO. HE. DINT.

Now, I’m just flat out pissed. You DON’T just blow ME off like that! Especially since, I really did have a question I desperately needed answered! So, to add wait to the urgency of this situation (no diet pepsi), I went straight to the office to ask his assistant about it. I told her in no uncertain terms that I do NOT appreciate being treated like that, and to please forward that message to Patrick. She was really nice about it, and said she’d look into it. But, I was still upset. My object of affection had, after all, forsaken me!

I came out of the office and saw almost immediately that Patrick was standing over near my place on the playground – waiting for me. Um. Yeah, so about feeling sheepish…But, again, I was hurt. So I breezed right passed him, threw up MY arm and called out, “Gotta go!”. I looked back at him, and he was looking at me with this, well, kinda hurt expression. I turned around and smiled. He came over and told me that a tenant needed an issue resolved quickly. Then, he said immediately that he really liked my song, and thought it was awesome. All was forgiven. Before I could ask about any details, this sleaze-bucket moron (I REALLY dislike him) SHOVES his baby in my face! Like, I’m just supposed to swoon and gush over this child if it’s in my face! Patrick made his break back to the office.

So, I’m like, “Ok! Now we’re getting somewhere!” Except that TONIGHT, I was sitting outside – it was such a beautiful night – and saw Patrick going over to his friend Shelley’s apt, which is right across from mine on the second level. I’m sitting there, larger than life in my red-hearted pjs, and call out, “HEY!” Does he even look over at me??? NO! He DID, however turn his back toward me! WHAT THE HELL??!!!

So, I’m done. It kills me, but I’m done. He’s not a player – I can spot those a mile away. I just don’t think he knows what he wants, and it’s further complicated by the fact that we can’t date anyway.

But, I’m sad. Nothing like a quasi-rejection to make a single mother feel like she’s going to be alone for the rest of her LIFE!!! And, to add salt to injury, my mom thinks I’ll end up a lesbian. Thanks for the support, mom! Did, I mention that EVERY single woman I know is hooking up? What, is every star in a allignment for romance EXCEPT mine??!!

FINALLY!!

Ok, so I’m JUST now, after over a month, getting to a point where things are under control. 3 weeks without a paycheck racking up daycare expenses was a bit nerve-wracking. BUT, for the first time in 2 years, I managed to pay my rent a week EARLY instead the last POSSIBLE day of the grace period. I was SO proud of myself. Though, I did tell my new property manager that I should just ask my company to forward that paycheck directly to them.

SO, the job…well, it’s not exactly what I thought it was going to be, but it’s still good. It’s gotten a little better since they’ve started training me on more stuff to do. For weeks, I’d have, like, 3 hours in the afternoon with NOTHING to do. It was driving me insane! But things are picking up. It’s not hard, though I do make big mistakes that I feel awful about, because they’re just stupid.

My co-workers are AWESOME! They’re so funny! It can be really fun in that office! There is one that MAY or may not be trying to sabotage me, but that’s just conjecture at this point. I don’t trust her AT ALL, but everyone else is really nice, supportive, and understanding. My Lead, the woman in charge of my training, is fabulous! She’s extremely knowledgable, patient, and just a sweet lady.

My boss…well, not really sure what to make of her. She claims to “be there” if you need her, but gives every kind of impression otherwise. She’s very standoffish, and unapproachable. Maybe she doesn’t mean to be, but I feel like I need to apologize every time I speak to her because she sounds irritated most of the time. I THINK she likes me, but on any given day…

Just went to my first “company picnic” yesterday. OMG, you guys it was FANTABULOUS!! St John’s reserved Celebration City for the day, and everything was FREE! EVERYTHING!! Cotton candy, ice cream, popcorn, fountain drinks, and they had a building set up for meals with hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken, potato salad etc, where you eat as much as you want, any time you wanted! We also all got free t-shirts. You’re only allowed one guest and children, but I scored another ticket so I could bring my parents. You have NO idea how GREAT it felt to know that I could do that for them. That we could all go because of ME, because of MY JOB!! Mom and Dad were thanking me all day. We rode a lot of rides, and the kids had a blast in the kids’ area of the park. For those of you who don’t know (cuz I didn’t), Celebration City is like a cross between six-flags and Silver Dollar City. It was just a kick-ass good time!!

YAY FOR WORKING!!!!!! GO ME!!!!

I have a crush…

…on my property manager. Yep, just about the least accessible person I could’ve picked to crush on since he’s not allowed to date/fraternize with the tenants. He’s single, 28, and he started here a couple of months ago. I thought he was kinda cute so, I started making up stuff (I mean, legit stuff, but I could’ve just called or put it off like I did when Barb was in there) to go into the office about and talk to him. Then, I found out that he lives on the property and I can see his place from my outside table. So, I’d go over and ask him more inane questions when I’d see him outside.

Then, one day, the pop machine was out of diet pepsi’s, which really did irritate me. So I went to tell him. Oh, his name is Patrick, btw. I know, LOVE the name. He actually offered to go to the gas station and get me one! He said he was going anyway, but who knows? He brought it to my door. That’s when I really started going, hmmm…

So, in all of these brief exchanges, he told me that his last 2 girlfriends of about 2-3 years each, “cuz I’m a long term kinda guy” were single mothers! He is just the SWEETEST guy in the world! Sensitive, but still take-charge, y’know? He’s BIG too. About 6′ – broad chest, broad shoulders, ice-blue eyes *sigh*. He cheered up Taylor when she was outside being sad, and he’s just great around kids in general. A real softy, despite his size. Oh, and lest we forget the awesomely COOL Jeep Unlimited he drives, and the motorcycle he keeps on the side.

He keeps giving me mixed signals, and I don’t know if it’s because he’s got to be so careful being seen so much with me, or if he’s just not that into me. I’ve hung out at his place a couple of times, which I think is pretty bold of me. But he’ll come over to my table and talk for a few minutes etc. So, things have progressed, but we both made it clear that we canNOT date (of course, when I said that, it was before I really liked him). Now, I just don’t know WHAT to do! He told me that one of his long-time friends asked him out not long ago (she lives right across from me) and basically offered her *ahem* unique “services” for him, and he said no because she’s a tenant. I heard this not just from him, but another source as well. So, obviously, he’s not going to break the rules. The man could, after all, get fired. AAARRRGH!!! 

I HATE crushes!!!