Disappointed…

As promised, this is an update on the whole “online dating” thing. Found a really great candidate that I seriously started developing a thing for. This guy is enormously successful, savvy, uber-intelligent, funny and so much fun to talk to. Oh and did I mention he’s just about the HOTTEST guy I’ve ever SEEN??!!! He works out everyday, and LORD does it show. We’ve talked hours on the phone laughing almost the entire time. It’s been so much fun. So, we decided to meet for coffee…

He stood me up. Completely forgot about it. I was understandably pissed. But he called twice, and left me a text message groveling and apologizing all over himself asking if I could PLEASE talk to him again. So, I decided to give him another shot – b/c he really is that cute. We did actually meet for coffee. It was short but nice. He is SOOO much better looking in person, but his personality is very different. On the phone, he is Mr. Confident, but in person, he was fidgety and nervous. He admitted later that he kind of has a problem with the one-on-one social setting.

Before we met, he was all about making future references and wanted to take me to this really nice restaurant…AFTER we met, he pulled waaaaaaaay back. Started talking about how much he likes being alone. He’s got his daughter and that’s enough, antisocial etc. So, I asked him, “Well…then what are you doing with me??” He merely replied that he really liked talking to me on the phone. I’m like, “Yeah, and that’s great, but there’s a little more to it then that…” He was just really cryptic. He wouldn’t even confirm our “make up” date for this Tues. I’m extremely frustrated. What the hell??

I was wondering why this guy wasn’t taken. I mean, he’s practically rich, having built a business from the ground up with no higher education. He’s got all of these fantastic personality traits, and he’s insanely good-looking with a perfectly chiseled physique. Now, I’m started to see it. I’d be surprised to hear from him again, though we did talk until 2am night before last. We even watched TV together on the phone. It was fun. He texted me the very next morning, but again, I really just don’t expect to hear from him again. *sigh*

I’ve had a lot of rejection lately. I asked my property manager (the guy I mentioned before as my huge crush) to my office Xmas party. He said he wasn’t sure if he was allowed because I was a tenant – though I only asked him as a friend. He said he’d get back to me, but he didn’t. I was ditched by a guy friend last weekend so he could go do something else. And now this! Even from a guy with issues, it’s still rejection. But, I guess we’ll see. I don’t think my fragile ego can handle much more…

Operation “Get A Life” is underway!

Ok, well, I’ve been complaining of late how depressed and rejected I feel by the general male population. My mom really took that to heart, and next thing I know, she’s set up a profile for me on eharmony!! I’m like, “MOM! That’s not what I meant!” She goes, “Well, you wanted a life, didn’t you? Well here ya go! Merry Christmas!” Geez, mom!

Thing is, I’m actually having a little bit of fun with it. Not many winners here in Spfd, even on the biggest online dating service there is, but there are a couple of maybe’s…we’ll see where this goes. Mom went all national with the dating scope, so the ones that I might actually be interested are in AL, TX, WS…but, if she lessoned it to even the entire state of MO, no one would show up! I live in the  WRONG part of the country…like I said, though, there’s a couple of maybe’s here. One in particular that I’m kinda getting a little geeked about, so we’ll see. Haven’t actually talked to him yet, have to go through the “guided communication” process to weed out the stalkers.

I’ll keep you all “posted”. LOL get it??? Posted??!!! I totally crack myself up! )

Kids pics…

I never post pics, and am SO bad about sending them. So, I figured it was about time…These were taken last July, but they’re the most recent ones I have. They’ve grown SO much, and I’m sure Riley will just blow you away by what a real boy he’s becoming!

                                                                                                   

                                                                          

I’m tired of being pathetic…

Megan is going to get a life. I am so tired of feeling like I can’t have a life. That’s just BS! So, I’m going to get out there, and get one! I’m going to start going out and doing stuff. Join a basket-weaving class or SOMETHING!

Made a great new friend in my apt complex that has a 14 year old daughter that can babysit. Not sure what I’m going to do yet, but maybe if I pretend to have some kind of social outlet, I’ll eventually have a real one. I’m working now, so I think I can afford to pay for a couple of hours every Saturday night. So that, should a miracle come to fruition, and I actually have a *gasp* date, it’ll be easier to make the time.

Just putting this out there as, like, an affirmation of intention.

Thanksgiving trip…

I feel so old…3 days on the road will do that to you. Had a GREAT time with family though!

Up until about a week ago, I had no plans. My parents and I were going to go to TN to see my bro, but we were shunned, so we weren’t going to do really anything. Then, we decided to go to IL to see my grandmother, who is terminally ill and may or may not make it to Christmas. It turned out to be a much bigger trip than we anticipated – the Paxson family get-togethers are nothing if not a “pack it in weekend”.

We caravanned the 7 hours over there, which was fun with the walkie-talkies. We wore the batteries down prematurely. Me and the kids were in one car, my parents in the other. The kids were wonderful the entire trip! First stopped to see Grannon and Pop, which was made much more interesting with my aunt and her new lesbian “partner” who decided to bring a dog the size of a small horse. Got a hotel room, and let the kids play in the swimming pool. They loved it!

The next day, we’d planned on just going home after check-out, but as we were leaving, my Uncle Jerry called and wanted to have lunch. So, we drove an hour to meet up with him and visited with him and his long-time girlfriend. Somewhere in there, I got the brilliant idea to expand the trip another day to visit with my cousins in St Louis on the way back, and take the kids to their father’s house as a surprise.

I was an hour late getting there, so I was in a hurry. Kept the car running and got the kids inside (I always try to spend as little time there as possible). What I DIDN’T know, was that the car I was driving – which wasn’t mine – had an automatic locking mechanism when the car was running. So, it had to idle for a half hour while Jason worked feverishly to pry the window open enough to use a coat hanger to roll down the auto windows. His neighbor came over to lend support, and then so did HIS girlfriend. Then Jason’s fiance came out too. Before long, it was like a full-on block party – only not nearly as much fun. Finally got it open and I went to my cousin’s (who only live 10 minutes from him).

I was warmly welcomed at my cousin’s house and stayed up talking at the kitchen table until 5am! It was awesome, which alleviated a lot of the tension arising from the nightmare at my ex’s. Chugged some Redbulls and got on the road. Just got home around 8pm tonight.

That’s what I call a Thanksgiving in true family tradition. FINE HOLIDAY FUN!!

HORRIBLE day…

Friday was, by far, the worst day I’ve had at work YET. I’ve screwed up before, and was patiently encouraged to get it right. But THIS. WAS. AWFUL.

Ok, well it all started the moment I opened my eyes that morning and looked, foggy-eyed, over at my alarm clock, which had not yet gone off. It said 7am. HOLY SHIT! I had overslept 45 minutes! Riley had crawled into bed with me and shut off my alarm before it woke me up (I set it for 6am so I get to slowly wake up by repeatedly hitting the snooze until 6:15). I only had 20 minutes to walk out the door, and none of the kids were even up yet, except Riley, who was shocked out of his sleep by my catapulting off the bed.

I managed to get out the door pretty much on time (it pays to be low-maintenance), but on the way to drop the kids at daycare, my engine started hesitating. I looked down at the gas gauge that was just a little below the “E”. I hadn’t even paid attention! I slowed down to 25 mph, and shifted into neutral as much as I could. Dropped the kids off at daycare and BARELY got to the closest gas station by coasting into the parking lot. I had not alloted time to get gas that morning, so I only put $5 in and zoomed off to work. I clocked in with one minute to spare – WHEW!! Little did I know that the horror was not over yet.

Everything was going ok until noon. I was just about to clock out for lunch when my Lead asked me to step into the supervisors office with her. They asked me to close the door. Oh no. This cannot be good. Turns out, it wasn’t.

Apparently, I had royally, completely, and in ALL ways screwed up a claims stack so much, they couldn’t even make heads or tails of it. You must understand that my department head is NOT the most patient and understanding person. She’s actually kinda mean. What I’ve discovered is that she’s actually got that reputation throughout the company. The way she was talking to me, it took everything I had not to cry, and even then, I teared up. It was AWFUL. She’s like, “This CAN’T HAPPEN AGAIN.” What I realized at some point during this reprimand, is that it really wasn’t my fault. My lead had trained me to do things a certain way, but she DIDN’T tell me about the major exception the rule, and that batch of claims was FULL of them. I couldn’t exactly say, “It’s HER fault.” though, with her standing right there. She’d probably just deny it anyway. So I just said that I didn’t know it was supposed to be done that way, which was not well received.

THEN, she got onto me for having too many loose staples on my desk! GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK!! We have to pull all of the staples out of the claims (and there are hundreds and hundreds of them we go through every day), so that they can go through the commercial scanner. Well, I just wait until they’re all done before sweeping them off my desk. This is, apparently, not cool with her at all. What-the freak-ever!

After I was finally released to go to lunch, I went outside and tried to find an isolated spot to cry. It was really that bad. I had managed to pull myself together when 2 of my coworkers came up to me (smoke break). They were SO GREAT!! They both told me that she’d made THEM cry before, and not to take it too personally. They’d screwed up royally too. But, I’m like, “Yeah, but in your probationary period??” Chelsea said, “I did”. She’d cried too. They both reassured me that Loeta had never fired anyone (during they’re 3-5 years there) during the first 90 days. This other woman had been listening to what happened to me, and she looked at me and said, “Oh yeah she has.” SHUT THE F*** UP! I wanted to scream. How mean was THAT??!!

The rest of the day went off pretty much without a hitch, thank God. But that morning was enough to put a dark gray cloud over the entire day.

Now the pressure’s really on for Monday. I’ve been reduced to having my work immediately checked by my lead before turning it in. How humiliating!! I feel like the stupidest, most incompetent person in the world!

*sigh*

Why do I do this to myself???!!!

I am so done with this!! I am through making an absolute fool out of myself over this man. You know the one I’m talking about – a certain adorably cute property manager. He just keeps, I don’t know, going back and forth. What is so dispicable to me is knowing that I am one of those women from that book, “He’s just not that into you!” that just won’t take a hint.

This is just so unfair I could cry! This guy is just so perfect for me! And he’s got real relationship potential! But…he’s just not that into me. AAAAARRRRRGH!!!!

Let me tell you what happened today…

I finished my latest song (which is, by far, the coolest, best song I’ve ever done) called, “Make Me”. It’s really suggestive though, but I honestly did want his opinion. So, I left him a copy with a note in the after-hours mail slot of the office. All day, I was just DYING to know if he listened to it. I figured, whatever his reaction will tell me everything I need to know at this point. If he’s interested in me, he’ll have listened to it by the time I get home, and will seek me out to talk about it. If not, well… Ok, so I get home after getting groceries tonight, and I have to park kinda close to the office. He came out and was talking to someone. I meandered and took my time getting the bags out of the car la tee da…When he was done talking, he went right back inside!

So, I’m thinking, “Ok, well, I guess that’s that.”  So, I was a little hurt but tried to put it into prospective. A few minutes later, while I was outside, I saw him walking by and remembered that I needed to ask why they took away my ever-important Diet Pepsi selection in the coke machine (which, he’d joked about doing cuz he knows how addicted I am). This was a legitament concern for me people! I wasn’t even going to ask about the song at this point. But I called out to him – he looked, but kept right on going. So, I called again and started walking toward him. He just threw up his arm and yelled, “Gotta go”. OH. NO. HE. DINT.

Now, I’m just flat out pissed. You DON’T just blow ME off like that! Especially since, I really did have a question I desperately needed answered! So, to add wait to the urgency of this situation (no diet pepsi), I went straight to the office to ask his assistant about it. I told her in no uncertain terms that I do NOT appreciate being treated like that, and to please forward that message to Patrick. She was really nice about it, and said she’d look into it. But, I was still upset. My object of affection had, after all, forsaken me!

I came out of the office and saw almost immediately that Patrick was standing over near my place on the playground – waiting for me. Um. Yeah, so about feeling sheepish…But, again, I was hurt. So I breezed right passed him, threw up MY arm and called out, “Gotta go!”. I looked back at him, and he was looking at me with this, well, kinda hurt expression. I turned around and smiled. He came over and told me that a tenant needed an issue resolved quickly. Then, he said immediately that he really liked my song, and thought it was awesome. All was forgiven. Before I could ask about any details, this sleaze-bucket moron (I REALLY dislike him) SHOVES his baby in my face! Like, I’m just supposed to swoon and gush over this child if it’s in my face! Patrick made his break back to the office.

So, I’m like, “Ok! Now we’re getting somewhere!” Except that TONIGHT, I was sitting outside – it was such a beautiful night – and saw Patrick going over to his friend Shelley’s apt, which is right across from mine on the second level. I’m sitting there, larger than life in my red-hearted pjs, and call out, “HEY!” Does he even look over at me??? NO! He DID, however turn his back toward me! WHAT THE HELL??!!!

So, I’m done. It kills me, but I’m done. He’s not a player – I can spot those a mile away. I just don’t think he knows what he wants, and it’s further complicated by the fact that we can’t date anyway.

But, I’m sad. Nothing like a quasi-rejection to make a single mother feel like she’s going to be alone for the rest of her LIFE!!! And, to add salt to injury, my mom thinks I’ll end up a lesbian. Thanks for the support, mom! Did, I mention that EVERY single woman I know is hooking up? What, is every star in a allignment for romance EXCEPT mine??!!

FINALLY!!

Ok, so I’m JUST now, after over a month, getting to a point where things are under control. 3 weeks without a paycheck racking up daycare expenses was a bit nerve-wracking. BUT, for the first time in 2 years, I managed to pay my rent a week EARLY instead the last POSSIBLE day of the grace period. I was SO proud of myself. Though, I did tell my new property manager that I should just ask my company to forward that paycheck directly to them.

SO, the job…well, it’s not exactly what I thought it was going to be, but it’s still good. It’s gotten a little better since they’ve started training me on more stuff to do. For weeks, I’d have, like, 3 hours in the afternoon with NOTHING to do. It was driving me insane! But things are picking up. It’s not hard, though I do make big mistakes that I feel awful about, because they’re just stupid.

My co-workers are AWESOME! They’re so funny! It can be really fun in that office! There is one that MAY or may not be trying to sabotage me, but that’s just conjecture at this point. I don’t trust her AT ALL, but everyone else is really nice, supportive, and understanding. My Lead, the woman in charge of my training, is fabulous! She’s extremely knowledgable, patient, and just a sweet lady.

My boss…well, not really sure what to make of her. She claims to “be there” if you need her, but gives every kind of impression otherwise. She’s very standoffish, and unapproachable. Maybe she doesn’t mean to be, but I feel like I need to apologize every time I speak to her because she sounds irritated most of the time. I THINK she likes me, but on any given day…

Just went to my first “company picnic” yesterday. OMG, you guys it was FANTABULOUS!! St John’s reserved Celebration City for the day, and everything was FREE! EVERYTHING!! Cotton candy, ice cream, popcorn, fountain drinks, and they had a building set up for meals with hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken, potato salad etc, where you eat as much as you want, any time you wanted! We also all got free t-shirts. You’re only allowed one guest and children, but I scored another ticket so I could bring my parents. You have NO idea how GREAT it felt to know that I could do that for them. That we could all go because of ME, because of MY JOB!! Mom and Dad were thanking me all day. We rode a lot of rides, and the kids had a blast in the kids’ area of the park. For those of you who don’t know (cuz I didn’t), Celebration City is like a cross between six-flags and Silver Dollar City. It was just a kick-ass good time!!

YAY FOR WORKING!!!!!! GO ME!!!!

I have a crush…

…on my property manager. Yep, just about the least accessible person I could’ve picked to crush on since he’s not allowed to date/fraternize with the tenants. He’s single, 28, and he started here a couple of months ago. I thought he was kinda cute so, I started making up stuff (I mean, legit stuff, but I could’ve just called or put it off like I did when Barb was in there) to go into the office about and talk to him. Then, I found out that he lives on the property and I can see his place from my outside table. So, I’d go over and ask him more inane questions when I’d see him outside.

Then, one day, the pop machine was out of diet pepsi’s, which really did irritate me. So I went to tell him. Oh, his name is Patrick, btw. I know, LOVE the name. He actually offered to go to the gas station and get me one! He said he was going anyway, but who knows? He brought it to my door. That’s when I really started going, hmmm…

So, in all of these brief exchanges, he told me that his last 2 girlfriends of about 2-3 years each, “cuz I’m a long term kinda guy” were single mothers! He is just the SWEETEST guy in the world! Sensitive, but still take-charge, y’know? He’s BIG too. About 6′ – broad chest, broad shoulders, ice-blue eyes *sigh*. He cheered up Taylor when she was outside being sad, and he’s just great around kids in general. A real softy, despite his size. Oh, and lest we forget the awesomely COOL Jeep Unlimited he drives, and the motorcycle he keeps on the side.

He keeps giving me mixed signals, and I don’t know if it’s because he’s got to be so careful being seen so much with me, or if he’s just not that into me. I’ve hung out at his place a couple of times, which I think is pretty bold of me. But he’ll come over to my table and talk for a few minutes etc. So, things have progressed, but we both made it clear that we canNOT date (of course, when I said that, it was before I really liked him). Now, I just don’t know WHAT to do! He told me that one of his long-time friends asked him out not long ago (she lives right across from me) and basically offered her *ahem* unique “services” for him, and he said no because she’s a tenant. I heard this not just from him, but another source as well. So, obviously, he’s not going to break the rules. The man could, after all, get fired. AAARRRGH!!! 

I HATE crushes!!!

Approaching MELTDOWN!!

I’m venting this at nearly 2am in the hopes of staving off the nervous breakdown that I badly need, but don’t have time for. Mind you, I am extremely grateful for the recent windfall of blessings that have come my way. But, at the same time, they have come with them MOUNTAINS of paperwork, time-constraints, and a lot of money. This is a long, and exhausting read, but I just have to get this all out. Allow me to explain…

I had to wait to register Hannah into Kindergarten because she needed a screening first, which could not be done until the middle of August. Not to mention having to order a copy of her birth certificate (that got lost in the several moves we’ve been through since), which cost $45!! Right after that, I had to get shots updated for all of the kids. I had to have THAT done before I could even enroll Hannah and Taylor into school. For THAT, I needed to fill out pages upon pages of documentation. Lest we forget the small BOOK of forms that I needed to fill out for EACH child for daycare (8-10 pages AT LEAST, for each one), at which time, I had to come up with $120 for the enrollment fee alone.

THEN, I had to go to the teacher “meet/greet” to further validate their enrollment and see what class they were in. Once I was there, I had to attach my hand to Riley and Hannah, with Taylor following closely as I rubbed shoulders with the WHORDE of parents (usually as PAIRS), teachers, and kids doing the same thing. In each class, I was directed to stations which had, guess what?, MORE paperwork to fill out. So, I’m cramped into a tiny desk doing this, and separating school supplies, while my kids are running all over the room, embracing old friends, playing in the water fountain, and showing me all the cool stuff I could barely pay attention to, all at the same time. I’m also being hailed by other parents that I know (in between fussing at the kids to PLEASE leave other kids’ supplies alone and the carpet area is NOT a playground!), and trying to find an opportunity to at least say hi to the teachers.

After that, I went back to the daycare (to give Riley a chance to acclimate, while I asked some questions), and found out – this was just last Friday before I start work on Monday – that Riley had to have a physical done before he could attend daycare. They accepted the shot records for the girls just fine, but for Riley, that just wasn’t good enough for some reason. So, I had to haul ass over to a walk-in clinic that afternoon to make sure I’d get the form filled out before Monday.

All during the last two weeks, I’d been trying to contact my financial aid advisor about what my new part-time student status would do to my grant (which I count on for the kids’ seasonal clothes). Could NOT get a hold of him, and I was still waiting to see if I got into the class I was on the waiting list for, which would seriously impact my loans. I JUST got a hold of him this last Friday (in between the meet/greet, daycare, and clinic fiasco). Classes start on Monday, and I don’t even have my books yet b/c he has to approve my loans first, which he couldn’t do because I was still on the waiting list for a class!! At the 12th hour, I found out that I DID get the class, but he won’t be able to assess my financial aid package until Monday, which means I won’t get my books until the end of the first week of classes!!!!!! AAAARRRRGGGH!!!!

TONIGHT, I checked my mailbox and discovered  my paperwork for the child support modification. “YAY!” was my INITIAL reaction. Until I looked a little more closely. Ok, so I am to fill out 4 pages of income information etc, fine. I also have to submit documention of proof of insurance, income, and daycare expenses, ok! Then, I saw I only had 10 days to do this, otherwise the whole modification is called off and I have to wait another 3 years. Oh wait. It gets better. The “10 days” is from the mailing date filled in at the top of the letter – it read 8/18/08. I JUST got the freaking thing TODAY, the 23rd!!! Which means that I have to have all of this crap back IN their hands BY this Thursday!! Tomorrow is Sunday, so I have to wait until Monday before ANYTHING can be done. And I have to come up with SOMETHING that says the kids are going to be covered under my insurance, their daycare costs this much, and yes, I make this much money – BUT, I won’t get a paycheck for 3 weeks, my insurance doesn’t kick in for another month, and I won’t even pay the first week of childcare until Friday!

WHAT THE HELL????!!!!

Ok, I need to go to my Zen place…I am a leaf…Life is a cookie…*inhale, exhale*

Oooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmm…